Do you dread the Holiday Season?

Is this a time of year that you actually dread and are embarrassed to admit it? It is for many people, sometimes me! During the holidays we’re often surrounded by people and environments who are all wrapped up in the joy and chaos of the season. You may not share their enthusiasm – at least not this year – and feel left out. Perhaps you try but are just going through the motions, either for the sake of appearances or for friends and family members. You may feel that your life has been interrupted by your mood disorder or other mental health condition and has not become what you had hoped for, that you’re missing out on the connections, relationships, life events, successes or experiences you see others enjoying.  You might believe that “life“ is for “other people”. This all can lead to enormous stress and distress.

Holidays are most often family times. This can be a mixed bag!  When your mood and energy levels are down it is often difficult to muster the effort to engage in various holiday activities, especially since right now you may have no interest in doing so, feel distant and not connected, and are fatigued. Yet you may feel pressured to participate, coming either from within yourself, from friends and family members, or from idealistic expectations and an image of what holidays were perhaps once like or what they “should” be like now. Trying to reach these unrealistic images will only bring you disappointment and more stress, not pleasure.

Note that holiday stress also stems in part from a change in daily routine and an overload of responsibilities, feeling compelled to take part in certain holiday-related events or activities. Small changes in one’s daily routine are thought to challenge the body’s ability to maintain stability, and those who experience mood disorders may have a more difficult time adapting to these seasonal variations in routine. For example, there’s shopping in crowded malls, making holiday-related meals and gifts for loved ones, attending noisy social functions, or the obligatory get-togethers with family members or friends with whom you no longer have much in common, or who know how to push your buttons. That can all be unsettling and precipitate or trigger a worsening of your emotional state.

So how do you get through this time in one piece? First, be aware of the negative or stressful impact this season might have on you and take steps to manage your mood disorder with self-care, healthy lifestyle habits, medications as needed and your professional team. Rather than having a fixation on “I should” do this or that, work to replace your thoughts with “I would like” to do this or that, perhaps with a modified version of what you had envisioned for yourself and your family. Keep it simple and then, if possible, aim for your more realistic goal but don’t be hard on yourself if you cannot reach it today.

Focus on effective coping strategies as a way to deal with the holidays and lessen the effect of stressful events on you. For example, it’s recommended that one maintain a regular schedule of daily activities, including diet/nutrition, sleep, physical exercise, and having a structure and routine. Keep up with close, non-toxic friends and family and avoid isolating yourself. Try to prioritize your responsibilities and activities and be aware not to overschedule or overcommit. Use relaxation and self-soothing techniques; humor to distract your mind; mindfulness meditation; and problem-solving strategies. Pace yourself, enjoy some holiday functions, food and drink but don’t overdo it and be sorry later.

It’s always a good idea to limit or ideally refrain from alcohol and other substances, especially at this time of year. Contrary to some common beliefs, you actually can enjoy moments and experience pleasure without them, and there are other more far more effective ways to reduce stress. Besides, nobody else will ever know that there is seltzer in your wine glass at the party!

Many people find it rewarding to reach out to others in need during the holidays. Volunteer organizations are often looking for assistance, and you may find that in giving, you, too, receive something special in return. Remind yourself that you do have skill and something to offer. Perhaps your church, synagogue, or local community has an organization for this purpose that you can join.

What if you are among those who do not have a large network of family or friends to surround you?  Here is where the quality of friendship wins over quantity. Having a few close friends or family members who you know well and enjoy is far better than lots of superficial acquaintances. Make an effort to connect with the network you do have for special moments such as a friendly lunch together or a simple evening at home.

At some point you may come to feel overwhelmed in dealing with distressful emotions and mood disorder symptoms brought on or made worse by the holiday season and realize that you need the assistance of a mental health professional. You may wonder when it’s the right time to reach out and seek professional help, so here’s what to know:

any persistent change in your usual self that causes distress, significantly interferes with your daily functioning and lasts for two weeks or longer signals that professional mental health treatment would be helpful. 

Take care of yourself and enjoy those moments you can!

A version of this blog was previously posted on PsychologyToday.com